well. i shall rant it here. dont ask me why am i feeling seriously damn messed up, for i've no wish to explain. all i know was to pull this through. thats how life is. always the ridiculous things that happen to me. perhaps i guess i am damn freaking free so thats why i allowed myself to have thoughts like that. everyone would get shocked or scold me if they knew what thought i had these few days.. I know it's bad. people's there struggling everyday.. i told myself to be strong. i know i'll will overcome it.but i couldnt bear it. am i really an idiot in you guys' eyes? seriously, everytime i felt like an idiot. used me up, and just leave me there.. PLEASE. at least crumpled me up and throw it in the dustbin.. dont leave me there okay? because i was trying to satisfy everyone's demands , i did not even care a single shit of my life. come to think of it, when i am low, who's there? and thats how messed up my life got to. got into some shit. but luckily, at least there's a nice friend here who tolerated my behavoir. i dont really want to be an idiot anymore. waiting for you here,looking at you... when you wont be looking at me but keep looking at her. although i really wanna snap away this relationship away, i know i cant. i am never a clean-cut person.